Addendum

 P.s-mothers to be......

At one point you will realize in shock and horror that your child has been walking around in shoes that are two OR MORE sizes too small for them.....yes, you read that right. You and your husband will look at each other, both of you guilty for shoving those wittle shoes on his wittle feet thinking oh, he's just curling his toes ( I mean it is a struggle anyway)...um, yeah, he is CURLING his toes, because he doesn't fit into the shoes you bought him just 4 months ago....you will change shoes like an Oscar host changes outfits
And when you ask him, "Kiddo, why didn't you tell Mommy and Daddy?" He will say something like "A ga ga dinosaur, wanna go play...." Because he is 2 and doesn't have the slightest clue of what you are talking about.


Also if you do nurse, you can justify about 1600 dollars worth of whatever you want because you just plain deserve it-that's what is estimated you save by nursing. And if some new study comes out about breastfeeding or exactly how much money is actually saved, who cares, you did it, there is no blue ribbon so treat yourself.

strawberry pickin'

J and his cousin (a.k.a the cutest baby girl ever)

future tennis player?

 

 

been meaning to get back into my relief printing days and thought it would help me work better with designing stamps-more coming over at www.stampingbella.com

 

 

rusty but we'll take it!

A Beautiful Change

donut distraction.....

People love to hear about how you don't eat donuts anymore.
They say, ohh, how good for you and in their minds they are planning to clobber you with a Papa John's Supreme Pizza as soon as they get the chance. They love to hear you talk about eating better as they bite into that Dunkin goodness.....they love it......and soooooooo

I thought about this post for weeks. Elizabeth Dillow's sister Katherine Willis Pershey has written a book called Any Day a Beautiful Change  (I haven't read it yet but plan to.... She asked us to write about our beautiful change that has either happened or something you want to change......mine, oh yeah, it has happened, like a bakers dozen over my head. Change, yes, beautiful change....

Having kids, yes that was a huge change, beautiful and mind blowing (see last post). But I have to say that the beautiful change for me was also the ugliest (I kid you not) and it happened precisely on June 9, 2009, when I got really, really really sick. The kind of sick I can't describe on this blog because it would attract too many weird people (like that's a bad thing). Let's just say, I was getting beat up by my insides.


It started as what I thought was a nasty bug in that June.

And then I forgot normal.
I couldn't remember when I didn't take two immodiums a day just to make it through teaching sixth grade art. The panic and terror of that, I can't tell you. It was like middle school nightmares all over again but now you are the one standing with your back to the classroom (well, not really but, you get my drift).

It soon became normal to be nauseous after I ate dairy and wheat and stay that way for hours. It was normal to look like I was sixth months pregnant because my body wasn't processing dairy due to the damage in my intestines (yes, we called it a cheese baby) . I was quickly becoming a 70 year old who when asked how they were doing launched into colonoscopy talk (don't ask). I couldn't believe I was 37 going on 77. And I felt that way too, along with pains in my hands and arms that would keep me up all night. I was diagnosed with celiac disease in January of the following year 2010.

Let me tell you. I remember saying over and over, I need to eat better.....I really should eat better. I mean, don't we all? Little did I know that I wouldn't have a choice.

What this beautiful/ugly change in my life has done has made me look, really look at the foods we eat. The fuel we put in our bodies, wow. And it's made me understand what it is like to be chronically sick. The disease forced me to be more responsible with my health and also be a complete pain in the ass when going out to eat and traveling (ask my husband, no wait, don't).

It took me awhile to actually go gluten free. Why you ask! It's a diet. It's not chemo, there are no drugs, you are lucky. For God's sake woman, how hard can it be? But we are dealing with me here.....I practically took two years to admit that someone other than myself was.....wait for it.....right. (To my defense, I do have my reasons for taking so long. But it simply had to be MY decision, it had to be MY beautiful change.)

Sooooo, last November I threw the wheat towel in (from sheer desperation-I couldn't draw because my hands were in so much pain), went on a no gluten and no cheating diet and all, yes, ALL of the ugly, it went away. Somebody pinch me.

This change in me, this is a BEAUTIFUL change.



 P.s-this post is to celebrate beautiful change not to make you feel guilty about eating a donut, trust me, I had a DELICIOUS frosted GF cupcake yesterday that was the size of my cat's head, yum.

P.s.s going GF has not been without some grumbles though, I mean, you simply HAVE to when it's that Thin Mint time of year.

P.s.s.s  I am noticing that ((((my parenthesis are turning into some type of literary matryoshka dolls)))))

A Letter

 (A letter to my expecting sister and expecting sister-in-law that is just for entertainment purposes only, anything said or done in this letter should be completely taken out of context and laughed at.) 


Dear Susan and Katie,
As you are preparing for becoming a mother here are a few observations I have made recently that you could benefit from, pay attention.


You will be amazed at how much stuff kids can take out, pull out, drag out, stuff you didn't even know you have, sometimes you will thank them for finding that cord to your cell phone you've been looking for for eons but most likely it will just be things in powder form that spill all over or 10 decks of cards you used to break out in your pre-kid days when playing cards and staying up late was by your own choice-52 pick up (x 10) will have new meaning soon.

also you will find yourself sampling brown stains off floors and walls to sniff and smell if it's poop....because honestly, 9 times out of 10 it is and then you have go and find the culprit because that little sampling is the least of your worries now.

you will be amazed at the amount of paper work that comes home from school, it is enough to make a small paper hut with, oh and that will be a third grade project so just remember to keep it all anyway. It's probably no more than any of us used to bring home as kids. But in our culture of putting everything your child creates in plastic Ikea oversized frames in monogrammed binned rooms it seems like you have to KEEP everything. You'll feel bad using the best tool you have-the BLACK garbage bag (thank you Rosie O'Donnell for saying this years ago before I had kids and thought you were mean, mean, mean for talking about using the big black bag for a lot of your kids school papers. I am eating those words right now.....with ice cream).

Those funny, endearing, quasi annoying things that your husbands used to do will, in fact, in your sleep deprived minds be grounds for divorce but.....you will find those same things not so offending in if the baby does them. (disclaimer-I am NOT talking about making a "beer-a-mid"-I think I just made up that word, I'm pretty darn proud of myself.)

Going to the bathroom by yourself will become an absolute luxury.....unless of course, you married a nosy, no boundaries husband, and then you have never known the solace of the potty room.....in that case, I can't help you there......and I can't imagine why would you have married one of those guys anyway, which I'm pretty sure you didn't but it's funny anyway (hi Ned and Taylor).

The bathroom also has the only door you can really lock without feeling "mom" guilty.  Locking yourself in your bedroom, or well, any room of your home that would hold other possibilities than relieving oneself will just make you feel bad and wonder if escaping is really worth the pounding on the door with "Mom- WHAT are YOU doing IN THERE?" You will hear this often. You really do not have to answer that one if you're in the bathroom (I do however, loudly, which is probably why it took me so long to become friends with my neighbors as yelling, "I am making a poop, THAT is WHAT I am doing",  really loudly in an adult voice is crazy talk.....which brings me to the whole appendix of Things I Never Thought I Would Do Before Becoming a Parent but that is a whole other post....

Love,
Beth

P.S-Your life is about to become about poop. That is all.....for now.

(I can't imagine the traffic I am going to get for mentioning poop so often in this post.....poop, poop, poop.)

Also, poop ws the FIRST word that my son learned to write, because really it is four OOOO's with two lines. Think about it.

Is It Bad?

Is it bad that I am jealous of women who lose 50 pounds and then have all that fun buying new clothes for their new body? And you say, well, you could do that too....but alas I've only got like 10 to give and that certainly does not deserve even a spree to Target. Waaaah...it is so unfair (please detect my I'm not really serious but kinda tone here). I've worked really hard to stay in pretty decent shape for most of my life. Now don't me wrong, I am not one of those easily skinny people who irk the hell out of me (and I can say this because I am married to one. I threw out all of his high school clothes a few years ago not because there were holes or that no one wears Jams anymore but simply because I am vindictive and annoyed that he can STILL fit into them.) My body is, in fact, is "athletic build, I can practically make muscle out of my eyelid skin . The problem is is that although this build is great for, let's say, SPORTS, it does not always translate as well past age 35 (unless of course you are Brooks Laich of the Washington Caps-Go Caps!). Because, dear friends, muscle turns into fat. Yep, I bet you didn't know that. (ha ha ha). And so while others actually have to make all of the fat which does take time, all mine has to do is say abracadabra to the mass I already have and voila the muscle turns into fat. Yep, it's like magic.

Speaking of sports....is it bad that....I get cranky with all of my 40 something friends who have just suddenly discovered running and triathlons and other various feel good endeavors? They are climbing ladders of mileage and discovering muscles they never knew they had, feeling so accomplished. And I, I have tendonitis because nobody told me NOT to do this at the tender age of 26 because I would have NOTHING to conquer in my late 30's and 40's. (I know, I know, you have already erased me from your blog list right now)
 But seriously, the only thing I can think of that could possibly fit for me is like one of those muddy buddies with obstacles courses, but I'm pretty sure I've already done that too, one night in college after too much grain punch (Mom, close your eyes).

 Is it bad that I am becoming that mother that feels she has to explain her daughter to everyone over and over again? Because folks (and I know this will come back to haunt me), it is official, I have a daughter who is a.... boy. Okay, okay, that's a little harsh. I just mean to say that she,well, let's not sugar coat this, she is made of cockles and shells and puppy dog tails. We were invited to her friend's 4th birthday party. All the girls were in dresses, hair brushed, proper accessories in the proper places and then there was my daughter in......jeans with small hole in the knee (which was full blown by the end of the party), sneakers, Star Wars socks and to complete the ensemble, the beloved Brett Favre jersey size 4T family heirloom which was worn by all three of my kids practically every other day when it was their turn to fit into it.
"I'm sorry," I said to my friend who truly didn't care about Anna's toggery, "I try to get her to wear things that are a little nicer when going to a party but she just goes and changes anyway. If I try to fix her curly hair, she messes it up (she does)...." etc. etc. Nobody really cares, but I guess, I do, more than I care to admit. Shucks.
I can just see it now in ten years....
"Young lady, you are NOT walking out of this house in your brother's over sized, body covering jersey! Now get back in there and find something with spaghetti straps and plunging neckline!"

(I am in so much trouble).

Kimbra

Absolutely delicious music-turn it up....dance around. (Lucky me, I already have the album:) Listen.....

Growth

Awaiting.....

part of the kids workshop-making buttons

Amy Oliver's piece

Jen Stone's installation and performance piece-beautiful

My Postcard to Myself workshop participants and friends!

amazing what they made-wonderful!

my Artful Blogging Summer 2012 in the mail........where I am so happy to be featured in the mix of great artists, writers, photographers and creative minds. I can't wait to see it. When I get it I'll photograph it very artfully so as to make a full circle!

Tea

still working on this (it got a little "muddied")....but you get the idea. I owe a little something to everyone right now. But in order to give anything, I've got to make things. Images get stuck in my head and start demanding ransom fees from other important thoughts. My creative brain gets crammed. So it may look like I am procrastinating, ignoring, shuffling my feet but really, I am doing the work. And paving the way for other adventures. It pays off. It does. It's like cleaning up to make room for everything else. If you looked inside my brain, you may think of an episode of Hoarders. Spring cleaning time.....

Ramblings

simple little ditty

Things I have learned recently....

1. Put the bird feeder in the front yard, right outside studio window. So many people have their feeders in their backyards. Although, we do spend time back there it's not as visible as smack dab in the middle of your front yard. Hours of entertainment, for someone anyway.

2. Speaking of time.....it's just not my own right now. You know you kind of give that up when you become a parent. Right now my daughter is making mud, and she's happy doing it but there's that feeling that I should be making memorable moments with her.....if you haven't read this, you should.

3.I realize that I still have very young children, 4, 6 and 8. It's the 4 that keeps me hopping. But at least we only cry for no reason at all, all day long, every once in awhile now and not on a consistent basis. There's that.

4. I used to work at night. I don't know how, with a newborn baby, but I did. Now, I work in between teaching and making lunches and at night I collapse. I used to love my quiet nocturnal ventures. Now, I've read (thank you Eric Maisel) that mornings are usually better times for creativity but I already get up at 6:30am. Any earlier and I'm really useless. Sometimes, I think those books are written for people, who are retired, who don't have kids, a regular job or well, any obligations at all. Why does school start so dang early?

5. Grumpy people should be required to smile back at you if you make the effort.

6. I taught a workshop last Friday night at our Round Hill Arts Center-Ladies Night and thoroughly enjoyed it. I don't usually work with adults. I will say this, they are much easier to work with than twelve year olds. (no way you say).  It's nice having other artists around. I plan to keep this up, if they'll have me.

7. Being 40 is pretty darn okay. But getting older kind of stinks. I just don't seem to bounce back as fast as I used to. Maybe it would help if I stopped playing a combat sport twice a week (soccer) hmmmm.....but how would I get out all of my pent up craziness? It just feels so good to play, a GAME.

Have a wonderful weekend. We are throwing my baby sister's baby shower tomorrow. I have lots of bows to tie. More about this amazing time later, both my sister and brother (well his wife-duh) are having their very own children this summer. It's a blessing beyond belief. xox.

Week In Pics

"Floatilla"-motherhood to me is about throwing a rope to each other (some new pieces and older)

I just can't photograph this to make it look right-it's better in person (what isn't?)

living room outside

oh spring, your color (see the bee?)

me hanging out on a blanket in the shade doing- NOTHING!!

Brown Glove Giveaway

 I have not been meaning to neglect this blog, really, I mean it BUT....


1st there was this little thing called....allergies

And then there was this thing called.....get the piece done for the art show, (see a couple of the little ones above-cocoon like lanterns and leaves, it's a motherhood earth day show, I'll get more into that this weekend).

Then there was my finding out that I can get Netflix through my TV....voila, Felicity-Season 1 (we'll talk more about how much I love that show but only ever saw one episode right as I going into labor with my second son, every commercial break, a contraction in 2005, I think it was in re-runs even then. I remember at the time thinking, wow, this is a great show, ouch, will need to watch this whenever I have some free time.....seven years later......)

Eventually, there was a baptism, a stomach bug, a trip to urgent care at 9pm last night. And plain ole' worries about having a job next fall (I do, sigh of relief).

And then there is this child size little brown glove that keeps popping up all over the house, like the garden gnome in Amelie. It's in every load of laundry, in the sock drawer....I can't find its owner, it doesn't have a partner. I finally (gasp) threw it away. I feel better now.

Images

baby shower invite I created for my sister

frames from thrift store, I repainted for my piece in an upcoming art show

more work on the floor......

love this blue-painting 5 cent frames is fun



 

Spring is absolutely beautiful in Virginia....but unfortunately, I am too busy trying to rub the eyeballs out of my head to enjoy it. Yesterday, I braved the park on full doses of allergy meds and cold medicine and found myself speaking to another mother by the sandbox who suggested the netty pot. I have yet to try this simple method, why? Too easy of course.....anyway, she went on to tell me that I should be sure to use distilled water because apparently a couple of people sent brain eating amoebas cascading into their heads by using untreated water in their netty pots....NOTE to self....do NOT do that. Achoo!

House That Jack Built

Mind Power!

work in progress

I am teaching my middle child MIND POWER right now....I know, you didn't know I am such a guru. Let's explain.....Mr. C (as I call him) is a delightful kid. But recently this ugly self defeating bug has popped up through his meadow of tulips and wonder. He has started to be really hard on himself. My mind is rolling like a hamster ball, oh yes, I know this, I remember this feeling....it's been awhile.

So, what to do? When I was 22 I lived and worked in Boulder, Colorado, far from my family, feeling overwhelmed, I drove my co-workers crazy with my heavy sighs and general malaise. My manager pulled me outside on a beautiful day and we sat under a tree (in the parking lot).
"You know," she said to me, "when you wake up in the morning you can decide how you are going to feel. You can change your attitude."
I was amazed. Really? It had not occurred to my 22 year old self that you could manipulate your own mind in such a positive way. (really). Now, I'm not saying that every day I pop out of my bed with trailing butterflies and a path of roses to lead my way. But I do find myself, using her words.....change your mind. If you don't like how you feel today, you can change it. Or at least try, dammit.
So, I've taught Colin to wipe those thoughts (we literally wipe our foreheads) out of our heads and replace them with good thoughts. I'm not good enough-wiiiiiiiiiiiiipe, I'm good, I'm great. Now, I have been careful to tell him that for example, sad, frustrated feelings are okay to have but they don't have to take over your day. I certainly don't want to bring up boys who can't cry or have surpress all of their feelings (I want great daughter-in-laws, I'm thinking ahead).
So he's recently been telling me that he's been sad because he misses me on the days I go to work. I asked him if he feels that way all day. "Yes", he said. "But do you need to?" I ask. "I mean, couldn't you just miss me and think, it's okay that I miss my mom, but I am still going to have fun today?"
I can see him thinking this over.
Yes!
A ha.......it's not rocket science....it's MIND POWER.....give it a try:)

Bad Work

 Just stop thinking, worrying, looking over your shoulder wondering, doubting, fearing, hurting, hoping for some easy way out, struggling, grasping,…Stop it and just DO!…
Don’t worry about cool, make your own uncool. Make your own, your own world. If you fear, make it work for you – draw & paint your fear and anxiety…
You must practice being stupid, dumb, unthinking, empty. Then you will be able to DO!…
Try to do some BAD work – the worst you can think of and see what happens but mainly relax and let everything go to hell – you are not responsible for the world – you are only responsible for your work – so DO IT. And don’t think that your work has to conform to any preconceived form, idea or flavor. It can be anything you want it to be…
I know that you (or anyone) can only work so much and the rest of the time you are left with your thoughts. But when you work or before your work you have to empty you [sic] mind and concentrate on what you are doing. After you do something it is done and that’s that. After a while you can see some are better than others but also you can see what direction you are going. I’m sure you know all that. You also must know that you don’t have to justify your work – not even to yourself.
excerpted from a letter from Sol Lewitt to Eva Hesse

I found this over at Keri Smith's blog, an artist I much admire. And it's exactly what I need to hear today. I have the simplest task that is becoming a behemoth undertaking (because I made it that way not because it in any resemblance IS). I have to give a workshop for women my age (or so) for a ladies night at our local arts center. We are calling it Postcard to Myself. I've been making these for years but I just realized that I have NO IDEA how to teach someone else how to do what I do. (That's why I teach kids-they are not, in fact, making postcards to themselves). And I usually have some element of drawing in my work. It's in fact, what is most dear to me about my art, the pen gliding on the paper, shaky lines, crisp lines, complete infusion of me into the drawing as if I were well, using my own blood (eeeewwwh). Okay, a bit dramatic. But how do I explain? I can talk composition, layers, textures but how to simplify....and how to make one in an hour after a couple of glasses of wine. (hmmmm...that could really help me). I made so much stuff today but only a few things that made me get that, yep that's it feeling. Maybe I should take good ole" Sol's suggestions and just really try to make some bad work and then I'll probably end up my best.

I found this written on a scrap piece of paper in one of my boxes of collage material:

After my telling my oldest that scribbling was for little, little kids (my apologies to Sol)....

"Yeah, but if you draw with scribbles you COULD make the universe with asteroids or something."

(yep)

The Story Of.....

going to work these into some collages.......

Muskrat, Weasel, Woodchuck

Been working on this for a long time....sometimes just posting art helps me see the imbalances etc. With this one, I think the middle is too linear. But it's fun regardless.

On a Sunday

I'm in a holding pattern right now......almost done with my book, almost, almost.......these little glimpses are still waiting patiently. Wait until I tell you what is in those two beauties up top. I'm really enjoying my stash of 1950's housekeeping manuals.

I'm being featured in Artful Blogging's Summer issue! And I'm feeling a little starstruck perhaps......it's really nice, I'm excited to see the article. Until then, I promise to be around a bit more. I'm landing this plane....and then taking off again I'm sure.

Juxtaposition

disregard the wrinkly fabric

Sometimes in my piles of pages, fabric and drawings some line up with each other just so.....this is the start of a piece that simply just started itself.

Catching Up

Catching up here....been sick, sick, sick....finally. Yes, I actually was getting a bit worried that I was not catching the common cold. Sure, it's great to have a healthy immune system but I think there is something wrong with people who don't get sick. Is that bad of me? Yes. But I digress, I have been having a wonderful year so far. You saw my excursion to Puerto Rico but what I didn't tell you was that there was also a SURPRISE party thrown for me by my husband and siblings. And let me tell you, this was no easy feat. I am not nosy, I don't go through my husband's emails or pockets, but I am very intuitive. I can sense when something's awry. My brother told my husband, "Good luck with that, Beth is a gumshoe (which required both of us to look that up-what a GREAT word). But I was surprised, completely and totally surprised. Unfortunately, there aren't any pictures of the party since the pictorial historian (that's what I call myself) was the flabbergasted center of attention and not behind her camera. There is a video of my entrance and I came through the wrong door, I've been told. What what I have seen of it, it is pretty darn funny. So as soon as I can figure out how to get that off my husband's computer of a phone, I will.

Other than that (I'm still reeling).....I've been working on a project that is done in a very specific children's book style and I'm finding that that type of work brings out the worst perfectionist in me. It's simple characters, watercolor washes and line art, an illustration style I have always enjoyed, but not always enjoyed "doing". It doesn't leave much room for error. And after painting the same page for the third time, it gets frustrating. But it will turn out good in the end, it will, it will, it will..........

So, I got a Nook Tablet for Christmas and have completely turned to the dark side...no, not totally, I'm just a little gray, somewhere in between. Having this hi tech tool has been more rewarding than I would have thought and one of the gems that I have been reading is by Eric Maisel, a creativity coach. I know you too have been thinking, eh gads, what IS that and is that really necessary? I just finished his Coaching the Artist Within and with the Nook I am able to electronically highlight the parts I want to re-read and then with the touch of a button bring up all of the key parts I want to reflect on. I truly, emphatically, completely, totally, irrevocably, entirely recommend this book for any creative person. I am already reading his Creativity For Life and it is equally impactful (apparently the dictionary is telling me that this is not a real word-who knew?). What I love most about his books are that they are extremely practical and not full of lofty quotes like "Trust the artist within." I'm also finding that the books are great tools for procrastinating.....which is one thing he tells us to try not to do, do the work, make the mistakes.....go through the RIGHT door, I mean, really.

Puerto Rico!

El Morro National Park (fort)

El Morro from the inside

Angel in the cemetery

view from the fort

colorful buildings (it is the Carribean!)

love the red door

red door building second level

So, Puerto Rico.....who knew? And I highly recommend. Absolutely wonderful. We went for just two days and nights but it was perfect, like a dessert of a trip. Unfortunately, I got back to a kid with pink eye, one with "growing pains" and the ongoing saga of parenthood, never a dull moment should be tattooed on my forehead. The respite was nice. Now, back to work, artwork that is.......

40!

my grandfather's alarm clock...kids got to it, hands not attached anymore, like time stopped

 Well, I just can't believe how good 40 feels.....well, actually it's no coincidence, my gluten free diet has settled like a warm blanket into my body. I am healthier than I have been in years. All of my pain is gone (except the ankle and that's just going to take time and has nothing to do with my disease and everything to do with, well, turning 40). I am so blessed to be able to feel better simply by the foods I eat and the foods that I don't eat. It only bothers me a little that I didn't have a birthday cake yet but my mother is going to make me a GF pound cake tomorrow.

Speaking of gluten free flours, I went into a little natural merchantile last week for the first time. It's 3 miles down the road, I have lived out here in the Western part of the county for nine years and have never gone in. And as I walked into this store, which smelled just like a health food store in a 100 year old building and reminded me of Whole Oats in Boulder. Amazing how smell can bring back memories....there is still a Suave mousse that if I smell it, it reminds me of being stood up on New Year's Eve when I was 16. Anyway, I was pointed to a golden bag of GF flour, Authentic Foods Multi Blend Flour as one of the best by the store's sweet and kind owner. So, right now, I am cooking up a loaf of banana bread and it smells wonderful......more later.

Vday Wrap Up

A favorite road of mine (I drive this to the gym and run it in the summer)

Oh, snowy tree lined road.....only saw a few of these this winter, how disappointing. But it has me thinking about warm....more on that later.....a little trip for my 40th is coming up. We are going to a place that I have only seen the airport of....on a layover. I'm taking my new lens with, great pictures to come.

This year I was the proud momma of three kids WHO MADE THEIR OWN VALENTINES. Yes, yes, I know, I can hardly contain myself. Here are a few pics of them:

With only a little writing and gluing help from me......can you tell? Design blogs eat your heart out! I prefer to work with projects with kids that require as little adult handling as possible AND that have only 1 or 2 steps and no inter fusing webbing, hot glue gunning, metal bending and such. I know you are thinking, she is the next Martha, I know, I know......